Posts

One Mistake

One Mistake and it all falls apart.  One little thing, turns into a big thing, and before you know it, and inkling of respect you had with these people is gone.  Now let's face it, you haven't had any respect for yourself in a long time.  Along with the traumatic brian injury and the hormone deficieny, your life has been in shambles for a very, very long time.  Time has been blazing past, now you look in the mirror and your a middle aged man.  Still the mind of a child, seemingly only progressively getting worse with age.  You need to go on the medication, but you don't have any children yet, and it seems unlikely that you will be having any, anytime soon.  A depressing thought.  A sombering thought.  Knowing time is steadily passing by, ever so slowly, yet so fast, and before you know it, you'll be an old man, with nothing but regret to comfort him.  I look at my wife, and am just filled with pain and anguish.  This matrimony should have never came to fruitan. An unlik
Post a Comment
Read more
They must really not like me much.  I guess when they look at me, they see nothing but a scrub.  A person that really can't offer them much, therefore they give off that old familiar sting of hatred in their eyes.  Those eyes break away and they just can't wait for me to get away from them.  What wonderful people.  Little do they know.  I often wish I could be the big man, the person that has mastered his physical abilities and is able to showcase this perfect body.  Because as a man once told me, "It's all about perception".  The first look means everything.  If they see an overweight broken man, than they see nothing.  You effectively become nothing.  This is why I despise people.  People want what you have, they want to make you less than them. They want somebody to shit on so they can feel superior.  It's all about dominance.  They look for the weak, to propel themselves higher in the eyes of God.  So that mere men can look up and gaze upon the beauty, and
Post a Comment
Read more
You have to do those things.  The social aspect of things.  Being a social being is absolutely critical to the success of one's life in this game of life.  the ability to talk to people, be charismatic, make eye contact, smile, make people laugh, make people love you, make them fall in love with you.  You do this, you'll have a million friends, increase your social network, have a million opportunities surrounding you, have a list of eligable woman from which to choose romatic interests with, and the list goes on.  You have to gain the trust andd understanding of people you could really care less about in order to expand your own life.  People take time, money, and energy.  I'd much rather be at home playing video games, jerking off, and drinking beer than dealing with other people's bullshit.  However when It's time to deal with my own, I am happy to have at least one person there is talk too.  I don't know, I just don't like many people.  I know they can s
Post a Comment
Read more
"You have no choice", that's what I kkeep telling myself day after day.  Everyday I wake up wishing I were rich so I wouldn't have to march into a den of snakes every morning to earn money to pay for bills.  There is no joy in my life.  Spending 9 hours everyday in a flourescent hell, dealing with people that I truly despise.  Theres has to be more to life than work.  Where is the adventure, the mystery, the love, laughter?  The life filled with friends, family, the holiday get togethers, the perfect lifes depicted on the TV?  The ultra successful people with the beautiful families, all so well adjusted, content with their seemingly perfect lives.  Established careers, the big house, the beautiful loyal wife, the perfect little children that compliment the parents, and make them proud?  Does this even exist?  Do these people even exist?  And if they do, would I want to be them anyway?  People without substance, drones to their jobs, people that would kill their own to
Post a Comment
Read more
How long can I keep this up?  How long can I continue doing this?  This life, this annoying life, filled with things I love and hate.  Everything annoys me, everything angers me.I'm numb. my brain hurts.  It's like something crushing my head together, squeezing my brain tighter and tighter until I slowly go mad.  The pain, the anger, the negative connotations going through my brain get worse, the only thing I can think of is killing everybody and everything I see.  I'm high strung, so high strung, I'm wound up like a clock.  I make people uncomfortable, I can sense them getting wound up like a clock, just like me.  The suttle body language a person does:  the neck rools and the closing of the eyes.  Sometimes a neck roll with the eyes closed just until the head rolls up toward the ceiling, than the eys open as if to signify, "I don't like this person, I can't wait for this to be over".  The deep breathes, the eys movements down, peering at the floor. 
Post a Comment
Read more

So Many Things

There are so many things I want to say, however I also don't know how to say them.  I say a million words in my word everyday, yet I say nothing when it comes down to writing it all down.  I want to kill people at work, I ultimately hate the human race.  Everybody annoys me.  People are evil.  People are fickle, cruel, and weak.  There is no such thing as a perfect world, everybody is vile, everybody is for themselves.  There is no honor or morality in this world, just the illusion of it spewing out of the mouths of the talking heads every night.  Juggling lies, delusions, and propaganda, all while looking us straight in the eyes as if they truly believe their own bullshit.  It's disgusting, it sickens me.   Everyday I drudge on, going to this job I can't stand, surrounded by people I want to see dead, just to repeat it all over again, day after day, until I'm to old to move or think clearly, than I spend the few remaining years of my life in a mediocre existence unti
Post a Comment
Read more