You have to do those things.  The social aspect of things.  Being a social being is absolutely critical to the success of one's life in this game of life.  the ability to talk to people, be charismatic, make eye contact, smile, make people laugh, make people love you, make them fall in love with you.  You do this, you'll have a million friends, increase your social network, have a million opportunities surrounding you, have a list of eligable woman from which to choose romatic interests with, and the list goes on.  You have to gain the trust andd understanding of people you could really care less about in order to expand your own life.  People take time, money, and energy.  I'd much rather be at home playing video games, jerking off, and drinking beer than dealing with other people's bullshit.  However when It's time to deal with my own, I am happy to have at least one person there is talk too.  I don't know, I just don't like many people.  I know they can sense that.  The body language I exude is obvoiusly apparent, I make people uncomfortable, they feel uneasy around me, and I can tell.  However even before I was the 'cooler' in the room, long before I was the villain, the person everybody longed to get far away from, I was the goofy awkward person.  The person people made fun of as to alleviate their own social standing in the human pecking order, to crack jokes behind, to make fun of to make themselves feel good.  People still do that However, I just can't get over the feeling that, why should I give a flying fuck about people when all they do is treat you bad?  Why should I be the one to help people, make them feel good about themselves, be ultra charismatic, have people like me when all I want to do is see them all die in front of me?  What's the point to it all.  The only reason I would extend my group of friends would be for mental health reasons.  Human's are social creatures and talking to other humans make your brain feel better.  I understand that from being so isolated as a kid.  It didn't always used to be like that though, when I was a little kid I had a ton of friends, we used to go places and do things and it was great.  Than we moved, my parents blamed me for a lot of the things wrong in their marriage, scape goated me essentially, and made me feel as if my entire existence was a chore for them, and I should be so lucky to have anyone have me.  I now know this to be 'codependency'.  However, after the initial move, we moved again, into a house far out into the country, where I was often alone.  The father worked long hours, the mother worked, the brother was never there.  He basically lived at his friends house in town, so that left me, by myself, all the fuck alone.  There's nothing more terrifying than being in a house alone with a woman with mental illness.  My father left her to move to a different state, I never knew why, until I was older.  She is a basketcase.  She has demons of her own.  The 'codependency' ran deep within her family and this disease exuded itself onto her children, infecting them with the same hateful disease that infected her.  it wasn't her fault, he was probably raised under similar conditions, tried to fix it, but it's something that is almost wired into our genetic code, it'll never go away.  So there I was often alone, in the house by myself when she wasn't there.  Sitting, thinking, the mind going blank.  I'd walk outside onto the back patio, where I'd hear nothing but the whisteling of the wind against the trees, and the birds occasionally chirping, and than dead silence.  No wind, no birds, nothing.  Just emptiness.  All my Friends were so far away now, and I was stuck here, abondoned in this big house, marooned on this property without any means of escaping.  A had an old crappy bicycle, but 'town' was 20 miles away.  It's hard to do anything when you're all alone.  You have no reason or motivation.  Your mind folds into itself and the fantasy begans to take hold.  Just like in prison, if you have nowhere to go, you escape into your mind.  You create stories in your head, you began writing in your head, the creative spark ignites and you transform into an eccentric.  People often don't understand eccentric's unless they've been in a similar situation.  However for 'normal' people who've always been around others and never experienced this pain of lonileness and isolation, we are just weird, strange, different, and possibly dangerous.  We don't fit the mold, we don't adhere to your rules, we see right through the bullshit, we understand what's not meant to be understood.  People don't like that.  They want soldiers who will fall in line, not ones that question it.

So what do I do?  Do I keep isolating myself in my later years because of all the pain people have caused me in the past?  Do I join some meetup groups,, and once again attempt to gain trust and understanding with the normal people of the world and find my place in the pecking order of things.  A willfull subject ready to be used by one of these cowardly snakes, or something else.  Can I pave my own way through life?  Can I march to the beat of my own drum?  Can I gain followers, blind and disgusted like me?  I have no idea, I'll just keep writing.  I'll keep exercising like I've been doing.  Gym in the morning and a run or bike in the afternoon.  Eat lots of vegatabels and lean meats, however beer is still a major issue.  Now that I'm brewing my own brew, the drinking has increased, not because I like getting drunk, but the beer just tastes so fucking good now.   Perhaps if I build myself up more, gain more self respect, people will start respecting me.  But than again, I don't know.